Sanity
by morningdelight
Summary: After a tragic event, the legal system threatens to tear away the only thing Rachel Berry has left. Faberry.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Sanity

**Pairing:** Faberry, Brittana

**Rating:** T for now.

**Spoilers:** None

**Summary:** After a tragic event, the legal system threatens to tear away the only thing Rachel Berry has left.

**Disclaimer: **These characters belong to FOX.

**A/N:** This is an idea that I had after seeing all of the genre swaps on tumblr; I got this idea of Faberry written as a Jodi Picoult novel. This first chapter that will be in present day, then every other chapter will be in the past, aka the high school years. This is definitely AU from the beginning of the show. It has the same basis, but the story lines are different. Enjoy!

* * *

The doorbell wakes her up. The first thing that she sees is blonde hair across the pillow and for a moment she forgets. She forgets until she hears a small voice ringing out with one word. "Mama?" Rachel sighs as she snaps her eyes close. This isn't right, but nothing is right anymore. She reaches a hand out, pulling the small body closer to hers. No, the blonde should be larger and should be pulling _her_ closer. "Mama." The small voice calls out again as the doorbell rings. This time her eyes stay open, gazing around the room.

The bed is too tall. It was something they had argued about for weeks before Rachel agreed to the one that _she_ had wanted. Now it just seems wrong. "Come on Beth," Rachel says holding her hand out for the small blonde to take. Beth has always woken up quickly, but something tells Rachel that she's been awake longer than she would say. She's just like her mother that way. The walk is quiet; Beth's hand feels heavy in her own. They sleep in the same bed now. It was something that had taken months for Beth to abandon and it came back full blast within a day. The little girl isn't as heartbroken as Rachel, but she doesn't understand. She's too small to understand the implications of forever.

Once they reach the downstairs, Rachel hands Beth a book before moving towards the door. When she opens it, she isn't surprised to see who's behind the door. "Aunt Brittany! Santana!" Obviously they would have heard. Rachel wasn't the only one to know. They were _her_ best friends. Rachel couldn't bring her to call them. She couldn't bring herself to talk to anyone but Beth. Rachel finds herself being hugged before she can say anything. Seeing the two girls makes it real again, and she can't help the tears that come to her eyes.

"Squirt, show me the kitchen." Santana says with an armful of groceries, knowing Rachel doesn't want her daughter seeing her like this. Rachel breathes out as soon as she can hear her daughter's voice farther away, tucking her head further into the blonde's neck. She doesn't know how they end up on the coach, but Brittany's matches her sobs.

"I'm sorry," Brittany whispers into her ears, but it doesn't help. To Rachel, it feels like nothing could ever stop this pain. The only thing that she holds on to is Beth. "You should have called." Brittany adds innocently. Rachel knows she isn't trying to guilt her, yet the words hit her hard. "Santana cried. She never cries." She whispers, not knowing what to do. Brittany never has to be the strong one.

"I couldn't." Rachel says quietly and it's the truth. She allows herself to let out the pain and suffering into Brittany's neck. She knows the blonde is stronger than anyone gives her credit. She has to be to have stayed with Santana for all those years.

When the doorbell rings again, Brittany gets to it before Rachel can even think to respond. "Here for Beth?" The blonde's confused voice pulls Rachel off of the coach. Her heart beats faster at the sound. "I don't understand. Rachel's her mom."

Three days after getting her heart ripped from her chest, it's stomped into the ground, leaving Rachel Berry an utter mess.

* * *

_"Rachel." She pulls the covers up farther, trying to squirm down farther into the warmth in the bed. "Baby." The voice slowly pulls her awake, although she can never tell if Quinn is a dream or not. "Don't make me send Beth in here." The threat is playful and Rachel can't help but smile._

_"Mmph." Rachel mumbles, trying to gain a little more time before awaking. "Send the girl in, she'll snuggle." She says with a sigh, opening her eyes to see her wife. Rachel knows that Beth's at Puck's for the weekend. "Good morning." She says with a lazy smile playing on her face. She can't help it. Just looking into those hazel eyes had an effect on her. _

_"Good morning, baby." Her wife spoke softly, something that Rachel had, rather successfully, gotten used to. The mornings were different now than they were in high school. Instead of an intense workout, they were filled with soft touches and quiet words. "I have to go get Beth." She says softly, looking at Rachel expectantly. "Want to come with?"_

_"I can't." Rachel says sitting up in the bed, her hand reaching out to take Quinn's. "I have to call Angie to schedule my next meeting." Rachel adds, not wanting to mention that she wants to see Puck as little as possible. Their relationship would never be the way it had been before Beth. She would be always grateful that Beth was born, but the fact of how she came to be was a different story. He was no longer Noah to her, just Puck as he had been to everyone else in high school._

_"Alright." The blonde replies before slipping out of the bedroom and into the adjacent bedroom. Rachel doesn't even realize that she fell back asleep until the knock came on her door._

_

* * *

_

"What the fuck?" Santana says, too loudly for Rachel's liking. "What the fuck does this all mean?" Santana takes the anger in and lets it roll through her chest. Brittany sits, her hand in Rachel's. Rachel's quiet, too quiet. Brittany has never seen Rachel like this, and it's _scary_.

The only sounds for the next few moments are the sounds of short breathes from Santana as she paces back and forth and then fragments of Spanish. Before Rachel can lose it, she goes to her daughter. The blonde is the exact replica of her mother and she's being torn away just the same. Rachel wipes the tears off of her face before entering her daughter's room. "Beth." She speaks quietly, the blonde looking up from her book. "Let's pack you a bag for daddy's." She tries hard to keep her voice steady, already walking to the closet to get out the girl's suitcase.

"Mama! I'm reading!" The small blonde says diffidently. Her gaze is captured completely by _Where the Wild Things Are_. Rachel swallows back tears as she starts to put her daughter's things in the suitcase. She never expected this to happen. She knows the real tears will come once Beth is taken by the social worker to her father's.

"Beth, please." Rachel begs, wanting this to be fast, she can't do it any other way. "Please come help me. You're going to be staying at daddy's for a bit," she forces out. Her whole world has been taken away in the past few days and now she is being forced to go along with it.

"But why Mama?" The six year old asks, the book totally forgotten on the table. It surprises her how much Beth likes to know why. A look of questioning crosses the little blonde's face before she looks back up to her mother. "And when is Mommy coming home from Heaven?"

The question makes her drop to her knees.

* * *

_"Quinn!" Rachel yells down the staircase. Of course her wife had forgotten her keys, it was almost as if it happened everyday. "I swear to God that I'm going to duct-tape those ke-" She's cut off when it's not her wife standing in front of her, but instead Finn and a younger police officer. "Finn! This isn't an appropriate time to visit." She sighs, pulling her robe closed over her petite frame. "You really do need to call, plus Beth and Quinn aren't even here." She's stopped mid-rant when she sees the look on his face. "Finn?" She asks quietly, her gaze flickering from his face to the other man's. "This is a social call, right?" The sound of hope in her voice is desperate, but she needs the hope_

_"Rach." Finn's voice was hoarse and she could tell this affected him. Her heart pounded hard in her chest._

_"No."_

_"Rach, Quinn was in a-"_

_"No."_

_"She was in a car accident."_

_"No."_

_"Rachel, please."_

_"No. Stop."_

_"She didn't make it. I'm so sorry."_

_"No."_

_

* * *

_

She hugs her daughter for the last time before she is drove off with a woman she doesn't know. This can't be right. This can't be. Rachel barely makes it back into the house before she collapses into herself. _This is all too much_. She barely notices when strong, _Santana_ arms carry her to the couch. She doesn't know how she got to the bathroom, but she's puking and a soft hand is holding back her hair as another rubs her back.

There wasn't enough time. She didn't have enough time to mourn the death of her wife and now her daughter had been stripped from her. It was wrong. They must be wrong.

"Rachel." Santana says quietly and Rachel is jolted back into reality on her bed, the bed she bought with her wife. "Do you need anything?"

"Quinn," she says in a low tone that Santana has never heard before. She never knew Rachel could be this quiet. "Beth," It's that one that stabs Santana in the gut. Santana has always been able to help people, go out and beat someone up. She's good at that sort of thing. This, this _pain_ that she feels, she can't solve with shoving her fist in some guy's face. That doesn't mean she doesn't try with the wall.

Rachel doesn't even flinch when Santana punches through a wall. The old Rachel, the Rachel before all of this happened would have thrown a fit. Santana desperately wished that Rachel would throw a fit, hit her, do something other than just sit there.

"Santana." Brittany breathes as she walks back out of the living room and into the kitchen for what Santana supposes to be ice. Brittany has always been there to clean her wounds.

"Rachel, please. Just tell me what to do." Santana begs. Rachel and Beth are the last pieces of Quinn that Santana will ever had, she wants, needs to protect them at all costs. They're _family._

When Santana's words don't do anything, she knows whom she needs to call.


	2. Chapter 2

**;""i Title:** Sanity

**Pairing:** Faberry, side Brittana,

**Rating:** M

**Spoilers: **Season One

**Summary: After a tragic event, the legal system threatens to tear away the only thing Rachel Berry has left.  
**

**Disclaimer: **These characters belong to FOX.

**A/N:** These will alternate points of view. Sorry it's been so long. Hectic life.

* * *

_And since you know you cannot see yourself,_

_so well as by reflection, I, your glass,_

_will modestly discover to yourself,_

_that of yourself which you yet know not of._

_- William Shakespeare_

It takes you all of three minutes to fall for her. You don't know how it happened, but you can't regret that you did. When she started singing, you scoffed, folding your arms over your chest, by the end of it, your heart was no longer yours. Your arms have dropped as well as your jaw as you stare. You've known her for your entire life. You've actively ignored her for half of that time and tortured her for the other half. Tortured her for daring to have the ambition and dreams that you never considered having. You know your heart would break for everything you've done if you still possessed it. Instead it walks off stage with Rachel Berry. You ache to follow it, follow her, but Santana snaps you out of it with some comment on her awful fashion taste.

By the end of the talent show, you return to your classroom. It's freshman year and it's the year of big decisions. Ones that should not include Rac-, Berry. You spend the next four months initiating the slushies. Apparently coach finds the idea so amusing, she installs machines all around the school. You return to your actively hating Berry, although your hearts not in it. It still doesn't leave Rachel, no matter what.

Your parents taught you better than this. You're not supposed to fall in love with a girl. No, you're supposed to fall in love with a man, someone who can protect you and provide for you. The small voice in the back of your head reminds you that she has dreams and the ability to make it. You shake it off and focus on your prayers and torments for tomorrow.

* * *

It's the end of freshman year when she breaks. It's Puck who slushies her and makes some dumb comment about her dads. You watch in silence. She usually slinks back to her locker, you guess trying to ignore the laughter. The slushies don't seem so funny anymore when you can see her crying. You've never seen her cry and you can't help what you do next. Following her into the bathroom unannounced was probably a bad idea, but your heart tugs you along.

You don't really notice what she says when she sees you because all you can notice is her eyes. The confident brown eyes, the one that usually holds hope and light are cloudy and dark.

"Rachel." You haven't called her by her name in years, since elementary school when you were actually _friends_, before your parents found out about her dads and banned you from talking to her. Her eyes meet yours and you feel chills. Her chin is jutted just a bit out, you know she doesn't want you to see her like she's weak. You wish you could take everything you've ever done to her back. You can see it's effect on her. You know in that moment that you'll do anything to fix this.

* * *

It takes her weeks in the summer to warm up to you fully. You text her everyday, multiple times. It's not enough, you go over to see her when you know her dads aren't there. You're not ready to deal with them, not yet at least. Instead you focus on her, making her happy, fixing everything in her that you broke.

The first month of July, you spend the week at her house. You tell your parents you're at Brittany's and they believe you. You should feel bad lying to your parents, doing the thing they told you not to do, but you think of Rachel and that sadness demolishes. Throughout the summer it becomes more and more clear, your parents are wrong. Love isn't only between a man and a woman. The love you feel for the brunette is stronger than anything you've ever felt before and it scares you so much. It doesn't scare you enough to leave.

You meet Leroy first and it should be scary. He just hugs you and tells you it's alright, if Rachel forgives you, he forgives you. You think he knows about how you feel towards his daughter, because he stares at you sometimes giving you a knowing smile. He's large but he's not the scary one. It's Hiram, Rachel's tiny Jewish father, that terrifies you.

The first time you meet him, you're in the middle of a sarcastic fight with Rachel. It's teasing, not harmful to either one of you but Hiram takes it seriously. You're pretty sure you're never going to be allowed back in that house after he yells at you for a good five minutes before Rachel can even explain the situation. Rachel must have gotten that from him. Leroy enters the room and almost instantly Hiram backs down. He never apologizes, and you don't think he ever will, but that night he passes you the butter without you even asking and you can't help but smile.

* * *

You aren't sure if you kissed her first, or if it's her, but all you know is you're grateful it happened. You spend the next week just memorizing the feel of Rachel's lips against your own.

"Quinn." You aren't sure how, but every time she says your name, a tingle runs up your spine. You reach down, intertwining your fingers with hers. Her hands are smaller than yours, but not by a lot. It's perfect. "Quinn," you frown at the sound of her voice, it isn't pleasant, it's sad and you suddenly solemn because of it.

"Yeah," you say slowly, you turn to face towards her and she looks absolutely terrified. You don't understand what's happened. It's the beginning of August and this should be the happiest time in her life so far, it's yours. "Hey," you say quietly, giving her hand a tight squeeze. "What's wrong?"

"It's almost the end of summer." She replies quietly, her eyes avoiding yours. It's taken you months to get into her heart; you won't let her block you out know. Your hand tightens around hers, giving her the unspoken words that she needs. "You're going back to school as captain and I'm still going to be nothing. I'm going to be alone again." Her voice breaks your heart and before you know what you're doing, you're kissing her with all your worth. Hell be damned if they think you'll give up Rachel without a fight. She's the most important thing in your life now. You silently pray for an answer that is good enough to respond is. Instead, you just keep kissing her, showing her what words sometimes miss.

* * *

She's so beautiful. The moonlight encircles her; you can see her for what she truly is. She's beautiful and you've been blind for far too long. Her hair is spread out on the picnic blanket and you lean on your elbow keeping your glaze on her. She's talking about the stars and why the Greeks came up with the constellations as they did. You listen half-heartedly, it's not your fault she's so distracting. Her personality shines out from within her during the quiet moments between just the two of you. You can feel her love, her gentle nature, her pride, her hurt, her tragedy. It burdens her more than she would ever admit, but you take it upon yourself, slowly becoming whatever she needs from you. Everything radiates out of her and she's beautiful.

"Are you even listening to me?" she asks with a huff and you can't help but smile at her. She gives you one of those small smiles, the ones she saves for you. You suddenly ache to touch her, to kiss her lips. Your heart aches with the emotion you feel. You don't move, just stare at her and she stares back. "Quinn, I lo-" she starts to say it, but you cut her off. Your heart aches when you see the hurt look cross her face.

"I love you." You don't want to hurt her, but she deserves to hear it before she says it. You spend the rest of the night showing her how much you mean it.

* * *

The first time you see your other friends is the night that you allow yourself to slip back into your old role. You've promised Rachel that you wouldn't, but it's a behavior. You joke with Santana and Brittany, flirt with Finn and Puck and ignore Rachel the entire time unknowingly. You've forgotten how annoying Rachel can get and it's rudely pointed back out to you by Santana when Rachel tries to drag you away during a middle of a conversation. You see the hurt in her eyes when you push her away and tell her to leave you alone. You know you've just about broken every amount of trust with Rachel you've built, but you're more easily influenced than you realize.

"Quinn, please take me home." She begs you softly and you want to give in, but you can feel Santana breathing down your back.

"Berry, if you want to leave, leave. I'm not going anywhere." You say, reaching for your drink. Doesn't she realize that you've given up your whole summer for her? Shouldn't you get a night for your friends? "Just go home Berry and leave me alone."

You realize your mistake as soon as her eyes water up. You reach out, an apology on your lips, but she's already out the door. You groan knowing that even making a vegan meal won't fix this.

You're just about to go after her when you feel an arm slide around your shoulder.

"Hey Q," He so cocky and you allow him to guide you upstairs. You're pissed and upset at yourself, so you drink another wine cooler. You listen to him tell you how he's missed you and how not fat you are. You're surprised he hasn't tried to jump your bones before. You let him though, he touches you and you're too drunk to care about the consequences. You can feel him inside of you and you don't know why everyone else thinks this is such a big deal.

It doesn't set in what you've done until he's finished and you're left on the bed.

By the time you've calmed down enough to get out of the bed, you don't go over to Rachel's like you promised earlier that night, instead you head home. The water is hot against your back and you break down.

You can't help but think your parents will be less upset by this than by having Rachel Berry as your girlfriend.

* * *

You try to forget. The next morning, you put on your clothes and makeup. You tell yourself nothing happened in the mirror until you think it's true. Until you can even convince yourself that nothing happened, then you go to Rachel's to beg for forgiveness. She hasn't told her dads what happened that you can tell once they open the door to greet you. Hiram has opened up to you and he doesn't frown every time he sees you now. It makes you feel even more guilty knowing that if Rachel ever found out, you'd not only break her trust but his as well. You don't even need to ask before Leroy points you towards Rachel's bedroom. You smile gratefully before climbing up the stairs. You try to think of something to say to Rachel, to make up for what she knows and what she can never find out about, but once you see her curled up in bed, you've forgotten everything.

You climb into her bed, taking your shoes off before pulling her small body against yours. You regret last night; you regret giving something to Puck that should have been Rachel's. You silently ask her to forgive you as you press kisses against her neck.

"Quinn," her voice is tired and you don't know why it moves you to tears, but you keep pressing kisses and pull her in closer. Your breaths are shaky as you try to keep yourself together, but she can tell something's wrong. "Quinn," this time her voice is concerned and she tries to turn around and face you. You don't want her to look at you, so you close your eyes. You can feel the pads on her fingers pushing away the tears that have fallen from your eyes.

"I'm sorry, Rach," your voice is timid and small; your eyes shut hard trying to keep in the tears. She shushes you, this time _she_ pulls you close and presses kisses against your cheeks. "I'm so sorry," you whisper as she pulls you into the nook of her shoulder.

"It's OK. I forgive you." She says quietly. It should make you feel better, but you feel worse knowing she doesn't know what you've done.

* * *

You ask her to become your girlfriend a week after school starts. You tell her you don't want to hide that you're in love with her. Her smile almost splits her face. You allow yourself to focus on becoming the perfect girlfriend and not the fact that you're a week late.


End file.
